I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
