There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
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Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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