did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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