im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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