WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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