wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
