My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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