I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
