You made me cry and you don't even care
she woke up with a sticky ear
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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