You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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