Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
