the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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