at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
