why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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