You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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