I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
