I looked at my own cervix.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
