pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
