I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
