The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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