Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
