Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
