so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
