Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
