Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
