careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
