I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
