I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was born a porn star she said
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As shirtless as possible
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
