He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
