he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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