actually, I'm a sock model
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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