but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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