she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
