I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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