I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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