Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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