just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
