I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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