no, he came in my armpit
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
