the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
