By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
