i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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