Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do herpes really smell.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
