i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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