Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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