turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
