we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A+ Viking dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
