We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
please come you make the beer taste better
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
