woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
