I wanna passion pit in your ass
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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