Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
