That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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