i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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