Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
