Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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