I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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