it was like eating out sand paper
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A+ Viking dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
