The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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