Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We're like a lot better than the average bears
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
