i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
