Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Mom said you looked used
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
